cooped up in my hotel room in baltimore, reading endless amounts of blogs and gushing over good design and photos, i switched over to get a little bit of work done and came across my photoset from a wedding i photographed back in may 2010 on the gorgeous out islands of the bahamas. and something resonated with me instantly….

earlier tonight i came across this line while reading over reviews of this years alt summit.

i was taken back.

not back to the wedding day or the beautiful scenery or anything lavish. i was taken back to a night that was one of those “life changing nights” that i have very rarely brought up nor have shared this story with no more than the few fingers i have on one hand.

but after reading that saying, i was flooded back with memories. its all too often that their are those “stories” that are associated with the photos like the one above. a simple moment that i captured during an island wedding, right when things were winding down into the evening during the reception. that photo is associated with two things :  the couples wedding story + my life experience during that week that shook me to the bone.

it was just the night before the wedding and i was coming driving back from the rehearsal dinner to where i was staying. normal routine the night before a wedding…. turn in early, check gear, go over shot list for tomorrow, and get totally zoned. well that was my plan.

the thing, and a first experience, about the out islands of the bahamas is that there’s nothing really commercial on these islands. its remote. stores are tiny. everythings at least 15 miles from the next hotel or little hut. there’s no street lights. the rental cars there are “island” cars that look like their from the eighties and used. the resorts are very tiny and “mom and pop” style. if i can better explain it, i’d compare it to the tv series LOST. its an island. legit, untouched by commercial.

so back to where i was.

we (other photographer) had photographed the rehearsal dinner earlier that evening which was about 20 miles away from where we were staying. it was in a very cute italian restaurant that the couple knew and everything was very simple. i was surround by mostly locals and had a real chance to learn more from the islanders, also known as bahamians.

as we are leaving it is by then very dark. there are no lights during the drive home….the roads are very narrow. some areas paved. some rock. and about 15 minutes into the drive we see stopped lights ahead. as we slowly pull up, its obvious there has been a very bad wreck.

there are a few cars pulled off to the side of the road, no more than 2. another car that looked like it had been chewed up and spit out. and another van that was off in a ditch and the front all crushed in. at first i didn’t know what to think, but it was apparant that nothing was happening because people were just standing around looking perplexed.

i got out of the car and asked if everything was allright. no one responded. there were just two people talking to each other, a woman laying on the ground, a hobbling man walking and pacing back and forth. it was obvious nothing was being done or no one new what to do.

as i was seeing if there was something i could do or help with, i realized that not one person had been checked on and no one knew what was going on. it seemed as if people were just manicans.

there was about 60 seconds that i froze. it felt like a lifetime. i’m in the middle of a place that i know has terrible cell phone reception, there’s nothing close within 30 minutes, and i’m about to realize the situation in the REAL. alone.

for some reason my little kid lifeguard skills kicked in. and i started yelling. not in a panic’d way but in a way to try to get as much information i could and in as fast of time as i could.

i truthfully had no idea what i was doing other than the basic lifeguard certification i got when i was 15, but NOTHING… and i mean NOTHING was being done. the other photographer i was with was unsure of what to do and thought it was to pull the car in front of the accident and block traffic if it came since you couldn’t see anything out there.

the woman: i instantly went to her and asked her if she was alright. no response, still awake but in and out. kind of in a loopy stage. there was something very bad internally going on with her, but she was still breathing and responsive but had no idea where she was.

the wobbling man walking all over. he was delirious and i tried to get him to sit down. he didn’t know what was going on. but what  gathered he was the driver of the van and “the woman” must have been his wife. he had a broken leg. but kept pacing. he couldn’t understand me but i begged him to PLEASE sit down. i ran up to another bahamian to ask them to please watch the woman. he couldnt’ understand me either. so i simply got the point across to him to YELL at me if she passes completely out.

the spit out car: i was scared to approach what i was about to see. this didn’t even look like a car. it looked like a piece of tinfoil rolled into a ball. i finally found a man from another car that must have arrive right before me and he was trying to call for help. i asked him how many people are hurt. he said one. then i came upon the car.

the driver. a man was leaning face up but leaning forward. it was apparant that he had went head first into the wind shield because it was busted and his forhead was covered. i asked if anyone had checked him, even for a pulse. NO. i froze again. another 10 seconds or so…. but it felt like a lifetime.

so many thoughts rushed through my head…if he’s not breathing, but has a pulse, how can i do CPR? he was CRUSHED into the car. did he break his neck? what happens when he wakes up? where is the ambulance? why has no one helped? does he have a family? was he at the rehearsal?

i came to and checked for breathing. nothing. then checked for a pulse on his wrist. nothing. then was going to check the neck (didnt do that first because it was obvious that everything was broken) and nothing. i double and triple checked.

i was totally lost. how can i do CPR? is too late? i can’t even get the door open nor reach in.

(side note: i can barely get through writing this right now, so if my typing gets even worse, my apologies…)

there was nothing else i could do. i realized at that moment i had never felt so alone and helpless. yes there were people around and i was trying to explain what people could do but they still just stood.

the other man. after multiple accounts of asking everyone there…. is there anyone else in this car, finally one man said i think he was with his friend. i couldn’t tell if anyone was in the backseat because it was pretty much in the front seat… and the passenger seat you couldn’t see at all because it was crunched in so bad. i looked multiple times and found no one IN the passenger seat. it was empty. i then found a flash light that somebody said they had (only after what seemed like a million minutes of me already asking for things like that) and i saw another man. crumpled into the floor board. the impact of the crash had caused so much force that he had fit into that little tiny area. he must had been a 5’10’ man and looked like he was maybe 4’ tall.

i’m not going to go into any further details, but it was another 20 minutes until the “island” ambulance came. by then, the woman was unconcious but still breathing and the man was finally lying down and kept going in and out. the only thing i could do was just maintain.

once the ambulance arrived we left. i think i was in shock, covered in blood, and felt a feeling that is to hard to explain.

but this.

its a story that ive never really shared, but its impacted me greatly.

i’m not one for to much superstition (though i love cheesy horror movies about it).

but….

it truly haunts me. i often don’t think about that night, but tonight when i came across the above photo and thought of the saying, that night came back to me like a rushing wind. almost reminds me of the scene of the headless horsemen when he’s riding after ichabod crane.

by no means is the point of me writing this just to tell a story. but its a personal journey for me to write this. “life therapy” in a way.

everyone has their stories. amazing. sad. happy. heart-wrenching. adventourus…etc.

but for me, i’m often sharing everyone elses stories. and i hope with time and more writing that i can do more of this.

but a takeaway:

the wedding was amazing.

the beaches of eleuthera are untouched.

there’s lots of sharks (that’s a whole other story of my obsession with sharks)

i discovered one of the most beautiful songs that i’ve ever heard and found the love for the group called cinematic orchestra (credit to ben simmons)

i was changed forever.

in some of the most upsetting times … life really is too beautiful.

___

current state: nostalgic, inspired and sleepless when i should be in bed

current tunes going to my earbuds: “let me in” by el parro del mar (click to listen)